How to Avoid the Wrong Pet: 6 Beliefs That Lead to Bad Pet Choices

Amy Castro:

There’s a few things that people say about getting pets that make me nervous the second I hear them. I want a puppy so I can raise it my way. Or my kids need a starter pet. Or my personal favorite, I’ve always wanted one. And I understand where those ideas come from because in some cases I believe them myself. But after a lifetime of having animals and more than 4,000 foster pets, I’ve also seen what happens when those assumptions collide with real life.

So I’m gonna be just a little preachy today. Not because I think I know everything. I’m asking you to stop believing some of these things because I’ve either lived them, watched them go wrong, or helped deal with the fallout afterwards. And if I can save you and an animal from learning one of these lessons the hard way, then I’m perfectly comfortable climbing onto my soapbox.

You’ve reached The Pet Parent Hotline. I’m Amy Castro, and today I want to talk about some of the beliefs that people carry into pet parenting that sound reasonable but can lead to some really bad decisions. And this is not an episode about shaming people for making mistakes. I have made some of these mistakes myself. It’s about questioning the ideas we tend to accept without thinking really hard about them, especially when we bring another living creature into our homes. Because once a pet is there, the decision’s not theoretical anymore.

There’s an animal whose life is literally depending on you.

So let’s talk about some of these beliefs.

Belief #1: I Need to Get a Baby So I Can Raise It Right

This is one I hear constantly in rescue as people reject older pets. People would tell me they wanted a puppy so they could train it properly from the beginning, or they wanted a kitten because they could raise it around their family and shape it into the kind of pet that they wanted.

And I understand why this feels logical. And I used to believe the same thing, right? You look at a baby animal and you think you’re starting fresh, but that baby animal is not a blank slate. You can definitely influence behavior and teach an animal skills, provide good socialization, create a stable home, but you’re not designing a personality from scratch. Animals come with temperament, genetics, instincts, sensitivities, and quirks that you do not get to choose.

And there’s another part of this belief that sometimes people kind of skim right over. If your reason for getting a baby animal is that you want to raise it right, do you actually know how to do that? Because raising a puppy will take a lot more than just feeding it, loving it, and teaching it to sit. Are you willing to put in the time and energy to socialize that animal thoughtfully, teach appropriate behavior, build its confidence, create structure, and deal with problems when they show up?

And maybe even more important, are you willing to admit what you don’t know? There’s nothing wrong with hiring a trainer or a behavior consultant or some other professional because you need help. And you need to be able to have the time and resources to work with that person. And in fact, sometimes this is the smartest thing you can do in bringing any kind of animal in your home, is to bring somebody in before a small problem turns into a bigger one.

So I’m not saying you have to become an expert in animal behavior before you bring home a baby animal. But if your whole argument is that you want a baby because you’re gonna raise it correctly, then you need to be prepared to learn how to do that.

I’ve seen puppies raised in loving homes who still grew into adults that were anxious, ill behaved, independent, or very different from what the family expected. And that doesn’t necessarily mean anyone failed. Sometimes that’s simply what the animal is. But there’s also a big difference between an unexpected temperament and problems that developed because the owner didn’t have the knowledge, the time, consistency, or willingness to help.

And I will say that that is something that has really changed with me over the years personally. I think back on my golden retriever Chester and all the time and energy that I put into training him. He was a well trained dog and a beautiful dog to have in the home. But now, the way that my life is, I wouldn’t want a baby animal.

Even when we get baby animals in rescue, as much as I love them, I am so glad to see them go to their permanent homes because of all the time and energy that it takes to raise them right.

And I think this is where sometimes adult animals get overlooked unfairly. And I know for me personally, again, having done rescue for many years and fostered more than 4,000 animals, I don’t think I’d have a baby animal again. I’d probably get a young adult so that I have a better idea about the animal and how they’re gonna turn out, because they’re already part way there.

So for example, if an adult dog or cat has been living in a foster home for a while, you might get to know quite a bit about that animal from the foster, and you may have a much better idea of how active they are, how do they handle strangers or visitors, whether they enjoy other animals, and how they settle into a home and what kind of environment makes them comfortable.

When you have a baby, much more is still unknown, and a lot of that responsibility for helping that baby become a stable adult is gonna fall squarely on your shoulders.

So get the puppy if you truly want to experience raising a puppy. Get the kitten if you want to experience raising a kitten. Just don’t choose a baby because you think it gives you control over the adult animal that you’re gonna end up with. And if you’re gonna say, I want to raise it right, then be ready to put in the work, the time, and the money behind that statement.

Belief #2: A Small Animal Is a Good Starter Pet

Belief number two that I hear over and over again is that a small animal is a good starter pet.

This one really needs a little nuance because yes, caring for an animal can absolutely teach a child something about responsibility. I’m not gonna say that it doesn’t. Where I have a problem is when that animal becomes part of the experiment.

For example, the hamster that sits in a filthy cage because the child stopped cleaning it. The fish that lives in dirty water because the excitement wore off. And then the adults eventually point to the mess and say, See, I told you you weren’t ready for a pet.

Okay, fine. But the animal just spent weeks being the evidence, and that is not fair. An animal should not have to be the victim of a child learning a lesson.

If your family brings home a hamster, a guinea pig, a rabbit, a fish or a reptile, whatever it might be, the adult has to assume from day one that the final responsibility belongs to the adult.

Your child can participate, they can learn, and they can take on age-appropriate responsibilities. But if they stop doing the work, you don’t get to stop caring for the animal just to prove a point.

And this is where I think the whole phrase starter pet gets us into trouble. It suggests somehow that some animals are lower stakes or of lower importance, that they’re practice pets before you’re ready to get a more important pet.

And you know what? The hamster does not know it is the beginner version of pet ownership. A rabbit doesn’t care that your long-term goal is to get a dog. Both need proper housing, food, veterinary care, stimulation, enrichment, and attention. And some of these so-called starter pets are actually much more complicated to care for properly than many people realize.

So small does not automatically mean easy, and it definitely doesn’t mean disposable.

Because that’s the last thing that usually ends up happening. You’ve taught your lesson and now your child’s still not interested in caring for the pet. So what do you see? Next thing you see on Facebook is an ad for a pet and it comes with all of its cages and equipment because your kids don’t give it the attention it needs.

That’s not right. And I think that’s something that we need to predict or assume could happen when we bring a small pet into our home and ask ourselves as the adults, are we ready to take on this animal’s care for its lifetime?

If not, nobody’s ready for a pet, as far as I’m concerned.

Belief #3: I’ve Always Wanted One (So I should Have One)

So another belief that I hear a lot is, but I’ve always wanted one.

And now we get to the one where I have a confession. So years ago when I was in high school, I really wanted an iguana. I thought they were fascinating. I liked the idea of having one. It was one of the few reptiles that didn’t require eating live animals to survive. And so I got one.

The problem was that I had not nearly thought far enough ahead about its care.

Now, did my high school self do some research on caring for a small iguana? Yeah. But I had not considered how big he was gonna get, how long he was gonna live, what kind of space he would eventually require, or what caring for an adult iguana could actually look like.

I was thinking about the iguana that I wanted at that moment. I was not thinking about the full life of the animal that I had taken on responsibility for.

And at one point, in my attempt to get him more sunshine and warmth, I took him outside to get some sun. And we were living in upstate New York, and he escaped. He basically disappeared while he was unattended on the back porch. And realistically, there’s no way he survived out there.

And I am not proud of that story, but I tell it because I don’t want to stand here acting like I’ve always made brilliant pet decisions and everybody else just needs to catch up.

I did the same thing when I got a rabbit. I thought I was going to be able to bring this rabbit back and forth with me to college until my RA found out that I had a rabbit. And I was lucky in that instance that my uncle took on that rabbit and cared for it for the rest of its life.

But that rabbit lived a long time.

So I made bad decisions when I was younger about several of the small pets that I took on. And I wanted the animal before I really understood what the animal needed and what I was able to provide.

And I think that’s a trap that people fall into all the time. They’ve always wanted a certain breed of dog. They always wanted a parrot. They think reptiles are fascinating. The desire comes first and the research comes afterwards, sometimes too late to head off a bad decision.

And I would really like people to reverse that, just like I’ve learned to do over time, because there is a big difference between loving an animal and wanting to live with one.

There are animals that I think are incredible that I should and will never own. And that’s okay. Admiration does not have to end in possession. And it probably shouldn’t in many instances.

Belief #4: If Somebody Will Sell It to Me, It Must Be a Reasonable Pet

Another belief is that if somebody will sell it to me, it must be a reasonable pet.

And this is one belief that I think people really need to question the hardest. We tend to assume that if an animal is legal to own and readily available, like I can walk into a pet store and buy it, that somebody has decided that this is a reasonable pet.

And that assumption can be very, very wrong.

A store having an animal for sale tells you almost nothing about whether that animal is appropriate for your household or whether the way that it’s being sold reflects what it actually needs.

Think about betta fish sitting in little tiny cups on shelves stacked on each other.

Think about birds being sold into homes where they may spend their entire lives in cages that are way too small, especially when you consider how a bird is really built to live.

Think about reptiles that are sold when they are tiny, like my iguana, without the buyer fully understanding how large they may become and what proper adult housing and care is going to require.

Availability can make something feel normal, but that does not necessarily make it good.

And birds are a really important example because I think people fall in love with their beauty or their personalities that they see on the internet without really thinking about the reality of bird ownership. Depending upon the species, you might be talking about a commitment that lasts for decades.

And then there’s the space required for appropriate enclosures, the mess, the noise, the social needs, vet care, and whether that bird’s gonna have an opportunity to get out, move, fly when appropriate, and actually behave like a bird.

If an animal’s gonna spend most of its life confined because that’s what makes ownership convenient for us, then I think we have to be willing to ask whether we’re meeting that animal’s needs or just meeting our own desire to have one.

And there’s another very uncomfortable piece of this.

When we buy animals from systems that sell them casually, we are keeping those systems going. Every purchase creates demand. So I think pet ownership sometimes requires us to look beyond our own household and ask whether we’re comfortable supporting the way an animal is being bred, transported, displayed, and sold.

And then there’s an even bigger question that I don’t think we nearly ask enough.

Should this animal really be kept as a pet at all?

And that’s not the same thing as asking whether it’s legal. It’s not even the same as asking whether one extremely knowledgeable, committed person can provide excellent care.

The bigger question is whether that species generally adapts well to life in a human home and whether ordinary pet ownership allows that animal to live in a way that meets its physical and behavioral needs.

The fact that we can keep it alive in captivity doesn’t necessarily mean we are giving it a good life.

That doesn’t mean that I think nobody should ever own a bird or a reptile or a fish or an exotic animal. I don’t know enough about some of them. But what I think it does mean is the burden is on the person who is considering having that pet to understand exactly what they’re taking on rather than assuming the animal must be an appropriate pet simply because somebody’s willing to sell it to us and the person in the pet shop or the breeder says so.

Belief #5: The Pet I Fell in Love With Is the Pet I Should Bring Home

The next thing I want to talk about is emotion.

That idea that the pet I fell in love with is the pet I should bring home.

And this is something I struggled a lot with in rescue because we did our darndest to make animals seem desirable through their photos, to make them seem cute, to make their personalities shine.

And we do that because emotion is part of choosing a pet, of course.

You walk into an adoption event and notice a particular dog, you see a cat online looking super cute, and you can’t stop thinking about them.

Or you meet an animal who immediately crawls into your lap and you think, Well, I guess you’re just gonna come home with me.

And that feeling, I’ve had it. It can be wonderful, but it can also make us ignore information that we don’t want to hear.

I’ve seen people become like fixated on one particular animal because of the breed or its appearance or the backstory or that first emotional connection. And sometimes the match turns out great. Other times everybody around the situation can see the mismatch except the person who’s already fallen in love.

For example, a person that fills out an adoption application saying they’re looking for a chill dog and the dog that they’ve fallen for needs a tremendous amount of activity and structure, that distinction matters.

If your household is busy and loud and the animal you want is easily overwhelmed, that matters too.

This is one of the reasons that good rescues try to match pets rather than simply hand them over to whoever asks first.

And this is why a lot of people got angry at me when they were declined for adopting a particular pet because the match wasn’t there.

And I will admit that some rescues have gone way too far with this and made adoption unnecessarily difficult. But the basic concept is still sound.

The goal should not be to simply get an animal adopted today. The goal should be to make a match that still makes sense after all the excitement wears off.

And sometimes that means hearing that the animal you want may not be the animal that fits your home best.

And I know that can be disappointing, but it can also save you and the pet from a much more painful situation later on.

Belief #6: If I Love the Pet Enough, I Can Make It Work

Which kind of brings me to my next belief, which is if I love the pet enough, I can make it work.

And I think this one is difficult because love is obviously important, but love is not magic. It can’t make every mismatch disappear.

And sometimes people discover after bringing an animal home that the reality is very different from what they expected, even when they’ve done a good job preparing themselves.

A dog might need a lot more structure and activity than the family can provide. The resident pets might be miserable with this new addition, or the household might be completely wrong for an animal who is fearful or stressed.

And that doesn’t mean the answer is automatically to give up.

There are plenty of situations that do improve with some time, with training, with hiring professionals to help you manage it, with proper vet care, et cetera.

But I’ve also watched people stay in situations that were clearly not working because they believed that admitting that meant that they failed. And I don’t think that’s always true.

Sometimes recognizing a bad match is actually the responsible thing to do, and doing so sooner than later.

Rehoming definitely shouldn’t be something casual, but I also don’t think keeping an animal in a situation where everybody is miserable is right just because you’re determined to prove that love can fix anything.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is admit that the home you wanted to provide is not the home that fits this particular animal’s needs.

Choosing Pets Differently

So those are just some of the beliefs that I wanted to share that I’m hoping to change.

And if there’s one thing that rescue has changed for me, it’s the way that I think about choosing pets.

I used to put much more weight on what I wanted. Now I try to put a lot more weight on what the animal actually needs and whether those two things line up.

And it sounds simple, but it can require some uncomfortable honesty about ourselves and our homes and our lifestyles and our families.

You may love a particular breed of animal that doesn’t fit your lifestyle.

You may think an exotic animal is fascinating and realize you don’t actually want the responsibility that comes with owning one.

Or you might fall in love with an individual pet and discover that another home would really be better for that animal.

And sometimes the right decision is not bringing home an animal at all.

I think we’ve become so accustomed to the idea that wanting a pet is enough to start the process that we don’t always spend enough time questioning the wanting itself.

You know, why that particular animal? Why that particular species? Why a particular age?

What do you think life is gonna look like with that pet? And how much of that picture is based on reality?

And I’m not asking those questions because I think people need to pass some impossible test before they’re worthy of having a pet.

I’m asking because I have seen what happens when we don’t ask the questions. I have lived some of it myself.

And the animal is always the one with the least control over the situation and the one that pays the price.

And that’s why I need you to stop believing that wanting a pet automatically means you should have that pet.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for an animal is to choose a different one. And sometimes the best thing that you can do is to just walk away.

So I’d really like to hear from you about this episode.

What is something that you used to believe about getting a pet that has changed once you had more experience?

Maybe you had some of the same beliefs that I’ve talked about here, or maybe it’s something different.

Send me your story, please, because I think these are exactly the kinds of lessons that pet parents need to talk about a lot more openly.

And if you know somebody who’s thinking about bringing home another pet, please send them this episode before they make that decision, because you might save them and the animal from a lot of heartache.

Thanks for listening to The Pet Parent Hotline. If you enjoyed the show, text a friend right now and tell them I’ve got a show that you need to hear.

And remember, your pet’s best life starts with you living yours. So take good care of yourself this week and your pets.