6 Reasons Good Pets Get Returned After Adoption

Host: Amy Castro

Podcast: The Pet Parent Hotline

Summary:
Amy Castro breaks down six of the biggest reasons good pets get returned after adoption, including unrealistic expectations, rushed introductions, transition chaos, and why the first few weeks after adoption are often the hardest. If you’re thinking about adopting, fostering, or currently struggling with a new pet transition, this episode will help you better understand what’s normal, what’s stress, and how to set pets and people up for long-term success.

Links:
Website: PetParentHotline.com
Consultations: PetParentHotline.com/consult

Transcript Note:
This transcript has been lightly edited for clarity and readability.

Chapters

00:00 The Hard Part Starts After Adoption
02:02 Reason #1: Falling In Love With The Story Instead Of The Fit
04:41 Reason #2: Distrusting The Wrong Rescues
08:06 Reason #3: Not Asking Enough Questions
11:34 Reason #4: The First Week Becomes Chaos
15:16 Reason #5: Rushing Introductions
19:19 Reason #6: Expecting Pets To Feel Settled Immediately
23:10 Adoption Is A Relationship, Not A Hallmark Moment
24:01 Consultation Info & Closing

Transcript

[00:00] The Hard Part Starts After Adoption

Amy Castro:
A lot of people think the hard part of adoption is choosing the pet. But honestly, that's usually the easy part. The hard part starts two weeks later when the dog that seemed calm suddenly has endless energy or the cat that hid under the bed is still hiding, then everybody's thinking they've made a big mistake. So today we're talking about six reasons good pets get returned after adoption and the patterns I see over and over again that quietly set adoptions up to fail before the pet ever really had a chance.

You've reached the Pet Parent Hotline, your lifeline to practical solutions for your toughest pet parenting challenges. I'm your host Amy Castro, and I'm here to help you cut through the noise and turn expert advice into step-by-step strategies so you can stop chasing your tail and start enjoying life with pets again.

If you found this show because you're thinking about adopting a pet, struggling with a new adoption, or wondering if you made the right decision, you're in the right place. And honestly, I think this is one of those conversations people need to hear before they bring home a pet, not after things start going sideways.

Because after being in rescue for years, I can tell you this, most of the time when pets get returned, it's not because it's a bad pet. Usually what failed was expectations, preparation, the transition, or the match itself.

And social media has really warped people's expectations around adoption because everything gets boiled down to just love them and it'll all magically work out. But love's not the hard part. The hard part is what happens after the excitement wears off. That's the part that people don't prepare enough for.

So today I want to walk you through six of the biggest reasons good pets get returned after adoption and hopefully help you avoid some of these same mistakes before they happen.

[02:02] Reason #1: Falling In Love With The Story Instead Of The Fit

Amy Castro:
Okay. So reason number one good pets get returned is that people fall in love with the story, not the actual pet or the reality of the pet.

And I get it. People sometimes adopt emotionally before they adopt realistically. And I understand why it happens. You know, you see that poor scared dog in the back of a kennel, the cat that's been at the shelter for hundreds of days that nobody seemingly wants.

Or I know the ones that get me are the senior pets and the owners passed away and they've got this heartbreaking story and emotionally you want to save them all.

I remember one adopter years ago who completely fell in love with the backstory about a young dog that we had at an adoption event. And it was a sweet dog, beautiful dog, but the dog was extremely high energy and the adopter lived alone in a small apartment and worked long hours as a nurse.

And honestly, you could tell from her demeanor that what she was really looking for was a much more calm companion.

And I remember having this feeling when I was watching the interaction that emotionally, despite the evidence in front of her, she had already decided that this was her dog, even though the actual lifestyle match and personality match was not there.

Luckily we were able to dissuade her, but that's kind of one of the hardest parts sometimes in rescue, is that people can fall in love with the emotion of saving the pet before they really think through what daily life with the pet is actually going to look like six months later.

Because wanting to save a pet and actually being the right home for that pet are often not the same thing.

And I think sometimes people confuse this idea of “I love this animal” with “I'm realistically prepared to care for this animal and live with this animal,” because the daily reality is what matters, not a photo, not a story. It's the day-to-day life.

What is the animal's energy level? What's the noise level of your house? How's the animal going to handle that? Your schedule, your finances, your other pets.

A dog or a cat can be wonderful and still be completely wrong for your life and your lifestyle.

And I think sometimes people know deep down that something is not a great fit, but they kind of override that feeling because they feel guilty or they're getting pressured from children or whatever it might be.

And sometimes it's even just if they walk away or they say no, that they somehow failed.

But choosing the right pet is not failure and it's not being selfish. It's being responsible.

[04:41] Reason #2: Distrusting The Wrong Rescues

Amy Castro:
And once people become emotionally attached, that's usually when the next issue starts to show up.

So reason number two for good pets being returned is that people get annoyed with or suspicious of the wrong rescues.

I see people complain all the time that rescues are too picky. But I hear things like the application was too long or they asked too many questions or they wanted references or they asked about our fences and schedules and kids and everything else.

And people get offended by that sometimes, but you should not automatically distrust a rescue because they ask thoughtful questions.

You really should be more cautious of the rescues or shelters that ask almost nothing.

I know I personally have experienced people getting angry because we ask a lot of questions on our application.

And if they're not wanting to have a thoughtful discussion about this animal that I have in my care that I know inside and out, and they're not willing to complete a couple of pages of paperwork, what are they going to be willing to do when it comes to a training issue or an integration issue into their home?

It's these people that want to just take the pet immediately, skip the conversation and figure everything out later that concern me the most.

I remember a time standing in our cat room with a family that said the child “used to have allergies.” Within three minutes the kid's rubbing her face and her eyes are getting all red and it's like, no, this is not going to work.

And the response was, “It's going to be fine. She can take Benadryl.”

Really? Is that the best long-term solution?

And not to say that couldn't be an option, but the point is that's not a flip decision you should be making standing in my garage because you now realize your child is truly still allergic to cats.

And the times where I've overridden my own best judgment and allowed them to “give it a whirl” have been the times where these animals have been returned shortly thereafter.

Because good rescues aren't just trying to get animals out the door. We're trying to keep pets in permanent homes for a lifetime.

And rescues that ask tough questions have usually already learned from mistakes they've made in the past.

They've seen what happens when the wrong pet ends up in the wrong home.

[08:06] Reason #3: Not Asking Enough Questions

Amy Castro:
Reason number three is people don't ask enough questions when they're talking to shelters and rescues.

Sometimes people think, “Well, the rescue put out a profile of the pet. It says everything I need to know. I put in my application, they approved me, so this must be the perfect pet for me.”

Not necessarily.

You still need to ask questions.

And sometimes people are afraid to ask hard questions because they worry somehow it's going to ruin their opportunity.

Like asking about anxiety, medical needs, behavior concerns, or challenges and worrying the rescue will suddenly think, “Never mind, she's asking too many questions.”

But asking questions is the responsible thing to do.

I would actually be more concerned about an adopter who asks nothing than one who wants detailed information.

And behavior in rescue environments is another thing to consider. It's not always going to be the same as behavior in the home.

I've seen dogs come out of a kennel after being cooped up all day and absolutely go bananas. And the person says, “Well, this dog's too wild.”

Maybe the dog has just been trapped in a kennel all day.

So those are things you want to observe, but also ask about.

Is the animal always like this? Do they calm down eventually? Spend more time with that animal and see how they behave over time.

Another thing to consider is that when animals get advertised for adoption, rescues and shelters are often using software systems with little checkboxes like “good with dogs,” “good with cats,” “good with kids.”

But what exactly are we checking that box for?

It could mean very different things.

So ask questions like:

• What ages of kids have they actually been around?
• Did they live with children?
• Were they simply observed around children at the shelter?
• What situations stress the pet out?
• What concerns do you have?
• What type of home do they do best in?
• Have they ever actually lived in a home environment?

Because I think sometimes people are so afraid of losing the opportunity to adopt that they stop evaluating whether this animal is actually the right fit for their life.

And if part of you is afraid that if you don't decide right now the pet will be gone tomorrow, I understand that. But after fostering and caring for more than 5,000 dogs and cats, I can tell you another good fit will come along.

The goal isn't to grab the first pet you feel emotionally attached to.

The goal is to choose the pet that can actually thrive in your home.

And honestly, even when you've done a great job asking questions and finding what seems like the right fit, a lot of adoptions quietly start falling apart during the first week.

[11:34] Reason #4: The First Week Becomes Chaos

Amy Castro:
At one time, that really shocked me.

We did everything we could. They asked great questions, everything seemed perfect, and then 48 hours later it all falls apart.

So reason number four for why good pets get returned is that the first week or first few days become complete chaos, often because there was no planning.

People bring home a new pet and immediately everybody wants access.

The kids are excited. Friends want to come over and meet the new dog or cat. Everybody's emotional. Everybody's overstimulated.

And you're thinking, “I want them to feel loved.”

But what pets really need first is not excitement.

It is calm, structure, routine, and predictability.

I think some pets go from a stressful shelter environment directly into what basically feels like a five-day house party.

Everybody wants to meet them. The energy is high. Routines are nonexistent. Nobody's sleeping normally. And the pet has no idea what the expectations are.

Then people are surprised when the dog starts unraveling emotionally or the cat disappears under the bed.

Moving into a new home is a massive life change for an animal.

And if they're thrown into chaos, lack of routine, constant stimulation, and free run of the house immediately, it can become a recipe for disaster.

A lot of people spend far more time trying to find the “perfect pet” than planning how they're actually going to transition that pet into their home.

Where is the pet going to go when they first come home?

Free run of the house is usually not a great option.

Is the dog crate trained?

Does the cat have a quiet room with food, water, and a litter box?

How are introductions going to happen?

What happens when everybody leaves the house?

The goal is to prevent overwhelm before it starts.

Because once everybody is stressed out, little problems escalate fast.

And then people interpret that as “bad pet,” when in reality the pet is overwhelmed, unsure, and hasn't been given the structure needed to transition successfully.

I had what I thought was a perfect adoption once with a kitten.

And we do a pretty good job explaining how to transition kittens into a new home.

Forty-eight hours later, I get a call that the adopter wants to return the kitten because it's peeing and pooping in their bed.

And my first thought was:
“Why is the kitten in your bed?”

A 12-week-old kitten does not need to be sleeping in your bed on night one.

That kitten needed a quiet room, a litter box, food, and a small predictable environment where they could easily find what they needed.

So the fit may have actually been fine.

The transition was not.

And that's why the first week matters so much.

[15:16] Reason #5: Rushing Introductions

Amy Castro:
One of the biggest places lack of planning shows up is during introductions.

So reason number five good pets get returned is that people rush introductions.

And I think they do it because they want reassurance.

They want proof they made the right decision.

So everybody meets everybody immediately.

Resident dog meets new dog. Cat meets dog. Kids hug the puppy. Everybody's excited.

People are trying to force the family picture in their head to happen on day one.

But relationships take time.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is assuming:
“My dog likes dogs, so this will be fine.”

No.

Your dog may like dogs.

But does your dog like THIS dog?

And did you properly introduce this dog?

I can't tell you how many times I've heard:
“I don't understand why that fight happened. My dogs always liked other dogs.”

Once a relationship starts off negatively, now you're not just introducing two animals.

Now you're trying to overcome a bad experience too.

The same thing applies to cats.

And when you rush introductions, problems can build up fast.

The same thing goes for children.

A pet being labeled “good with kids” does not mean unlimited access to children 24/7.

Kids have different personalities, different energy levels, different boundaries.

And both kids and pets need structure and supervision.

A lot of failed adoptions happen because humans push for connection before the pet actually feels safe enough to make that connection.

And when those early experiences go badly, now everybody is trying to recover from stress, fear, and negative associations instead of building trust slowly and safely.

[19:19] Reason #6: Expecting Pets To Feel Settled Immediately

Amy Castro:
And even when introductions are handled well, there's still one thing that catches adopters off guard constantly.

Reason number six why good pets get returned is that people expect pets to feel settled immediately.

People expect the pet to walk into their home and instantly act grateful, bonded, calm, emotionally stable, and completely comfortable.

But the reality is that a lot of newly adopted pets are stressed, overwhelmed, confused, overstimulated, or emotionally shut down.

I've experienced this myself with foster dogs.

The first couple of days, you think:
“Oh my gosh, this dog is amazing. Quiet. Calm. Perfect.”

And then four days later the dog is barking, jumping, having accidents in the dining room, and you're wondering what happened.

What happened is the dog probably finally felt safe enough to stop shutting down.

Maybe they've never lived in a home before.

Maybe they were overwhelmed from being in a shelter environment.

But around here we've learned:
What you see is not always what you get right away.

Cats can do the opposite.

You bring home a cat and they hide under the bed, hiss at you, and seem terrified.

And people immediately start building this story in their head that they made a terrible decision.

But cats don't like change.

And some animals need days to adjust. Some need weeks. Some need months.

The pet you meet during adoption may act very differently once they feel safe in your home.

And honestly, sometimes what people think is “bad behavior” is actually the pet finally feeling safe enough to behave normally.

Social media has really damaged expectations around this because adoption gets presented like an instant movie moment.

Instant trust. Instant cuddling. Instant bonding.

And yes, sometimes that happens.

But real-life adoptions are often awkward and stressful before they become wonderful.

If people simply expected there to be an adjustment period instead of assuming everything should feel perfect immediately, they would save themselves a tremendous amount of stress.

Because accidents, confusion, hiding, stress, and overstimulation are often part of transition, not proof that the adoption failed.

And sometimes the best thing you can do is slow down, lower your expectations, stay calm, and give everybody time to settle into the relationship.

[23:10] Adoption Is A Relationship, Not A Hallmark Moment

Amy Castro:
I think one of the biggest misunderstandings around adoption is that people think choosing the pet is the hard part.

Usually that's the easy part.

The real work starts once your pet is standing in your living room and everybody realizes this is no longer a Hallmark moment.

It's a lifelong relationship.

And relationships take adjustments on both sides.

That's where patience matters. Structure matters. Preparation matters.

And I think we do both people and pets a real disservice when we oversimplify adoption into:
“Just love them and it'll all work out.”

Because love matters.

But successful adoptions usually happen when love is combined with realism, preparation, patience, and support.

[24:01] Consultation Info & Closing

Amy Castro:
If you're currently struggling with a new adoption and wondering what's normal, what's stress, or whether the fit is actually right, I'm here for you.

You can send us a question or book a one-on-one Pet Parent Hotline consultation at PetParentHotline.com/consult.

And remember, the goal of adoption is not just getting a pet out of rescue or out of a shelter.

The goal is helping that pet stay successfully in a loving home forever.

Thanks for listening to The Pet Parent Hotline.

If you enjoyed the show, don't keep it to yourself. Text a friend right now with a link and tell them, “I've got a show you need to hear.”

And remember, your pet's best life starts with you living yours.

So take good care of yourself this week, and your pets.